A therapist, in small details (Part 1)

I’m often aware that clients sit across from me knowing very little about me.

That’s part of the work.
But I also know that it can feel strange—sharing so much of yourself with someone who remains, in many ways, unknown.

So here are a few things about me. Not everything. But some of the things that shape how I sit with people.

What would I want you to know first?

That I’m human too.

I’ve had times where I’ve felt like I’ve messed up, or that there’s no hope. But I’d also want you to know that there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me judge you.

In my journey as a therapist, I’ve learnt that we’re all as wonky and as vulnerable as each other.

What do I notice about people quite quickly?

I can read people quite well, so I tend to notice a lot.

But one of the first things I notice is how comfortable someone feels opening up to me. Some people offload very quickly, others are much more reserved. There’s no right or wrong way of being.

Ultimately, I want to give people the time and space to know it’s okay to be completely themselves.

What helps me feel like myself again after a difficult day?

If I’ve been working face to face, I use the drive home to sing along to music or listen to true crime podcasts.

If I’m working from home, I tend to have a quiet evening—painting or playing video games.

My home is my safe space. Soft blanket, calm lighting, everything peaceful. And usually there are hugs and a big plate of food waiting for me when I get through the door. These things help me to reset and bring me back to myself.

What do I often find myself saying in sessions?

I’m quite conscious of not repeating the same phrases, but I do find myself saying things like “that sounds really difficult” and “I understand.”

For me, it’s about showing that I’m with someone. That I hear them. That what they’re going through makes sense.

What do I hold in mind when someone is struggling to trust me?

I don’t take it personally.

Many people haven’t been given the safety to be vulnerable—so why should they trust me straight away?

Trust takes time, patience and understanding. I’ll often reflect on what’s happening between us in the room so we can work through it together.

What does feeling safe mean to me?

Safety comes in many forms.

For me, it’s being able to be present and in the moment. To feel spontaneous and creative.

As someone who is AuDHD, my world needs to be carefully curated so that even on a sensory level, I feel safe. My home, my relationships, the way I work—all of it needs to align with how my nervous system operates.

A small thing that brings me comfort?

My pyjamas.

There’s something about putting on something soft and comfortable at the end of the day that tells my body: I can relax now.

What do people get wrong about healing?

That you have to be positive all the time.

It can actually be quite damaging. It’s okay to feel awful. It’s okay to have difficult thoughts.

It doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing.
It means you’re human—and you’re recognising that something isn’t right for you.

What does being understood feel like to me?

It’s when someone is curious about my experiences and accepts me as I am.

And ideally, there’s some humour in there too.

The people who understand me can laugh with me about my quirks and idiosyncrasies—without it ever feeling hurtful.

If you were unsure about starting therapy, what would I want you to know?

That it’s okay to feel unsure.

It’s also okay to feel unsure about whether I’m the right therapist for you.

It’s a scary process, but you’re not in it alone. It can take time to find the right therapist—and time to build a relationship that feels safe enough.

You don’t need to know these things for therapy to work.

But sometimes it can help to know there’s a real person sitting with you.